Genetics
by JinnySkeans
Summary: Sasuke reflects on the ultimate Uchiha curse: that of being really, really, ridiculously good-looking. One man's journey to protect his children from their own physical attractiveness.


Sasuke stared at the bundle in his arms with something like fury bubbling in his bones.

It was his worst nightmare realized.

Well, maybe his second worst nightmare. His first involved a mighty Uchiha son, born with his wife's stupid pink hair. Thankfully, at least, they'd dodged that bullet with their firstborn son Naruto, who looked like Sasuke but in miniature, and with dark, electric green eyes.

No, what lay in his arms was far worse than that.

A healthy baby girl, six pounds, two ounces, with a shock of thick black hair on her tiny head and the greenest, prettiest eyes he'd ever seen, the precise shade of his tired wife's and full of happiness as she looked up at her father.

His stomach clenched and he threw Sakura, watching him almost smugly from where she lay in the hospital bed, the filthiest glare he could muster.

"This is all your fault," he hissed.

She rolled her eyes.

"Thank you, oh supportive husband," she drawled sarcasatically. "Blame the Uchiha genes. All of your family have been insultingly good-looking."

"You can't pin this one on me," Sasuke snapped, while little Sasino-chan cooed happily in his arms and wrapped her tiny fingers around his pinky with surprising strength, given that she was only six hours old. "She looks _just like you._"

Sasuke held baby Sasino Uchiha in his arms, the first girl born into the Uchiha family in years and years, and realized this really was his worst nightmare. An Uchiha son with pink hair paled in comparison to the threat this pint-sized peanut represented.

Sasino Uchiha had inherited the good looks of both her parents. And Sasuke knew, as the little green-eyed beauty charmed him with her toothless smile and wrapped him right the fuck around her little finger, that this would be his curse for the next eighteen years.

* * *

Sasuke was a shinobi, and that meant he was good at planning.

Which meant he really should have seen all this coming.

His whole life, he'd carried the curse of being really, really, ridiculously good-looking, same as his brother and father before him, and his father before him, and so on. Uchiha men were known for either marrying within their own clan, to exceptionally beautiful Uchiha women like Mikoto Uchiha.

On rare occasions, they might choose to marry outside their clan, as Sasuke had done. And he'd made the horrifying mistake of marrying a woman of exceptional beauty in her own right.

He really should have known better.

All his life, his looks had attracted far more attention than could be considered reasonable. He couldn't go anywhere without being hounded by women, draping themselves around him and deaf to his protests, squealing voices in his ears begging for attention he was never willing to give. He was easily recognized by opponents in battle, and not even hardened kunoichi were immune to his patrician features when he faced them down on the battlefield. Jealous shinobi husbands and boyfriends were also a constant headache. He'd had to lay out a number of would-be tough ninja who didn't like their girlfriends giving him the once-over.

This was why he resolved, at a very young age, to never, ever subject his future children to his unique, punishing curse. He decided to marry a plain, homely woman, who might bear him children of average or unattractive features; this would protect them, in turn, from creepy stalkers, would-be suitors, clingy hangers-on, ambitious mothers who wanted him to marry their daughters, etc.

He'd had everything mapped out from the get-go. There would never be a deviation from this plan.

And then he'd gone ahead and fallen in love with inarguably, the most beautiful kunoichi in Konoha.

Sakura Haruno was a teammate of his as a genin, his first crush (though he'd never actually admitted that, and never would), and after he returned home to Konoha at seventeen, the center of his universe (another thing he'd never admit, but Sakura seemed to know that.) She was an excellent combat medic-nin, and she ran the shinobi hospital after her mentor, the Godaime, had retired.

She was famous for her talents, popular everywhere she went, kind-hearted and lethal where she needed to be.

She was also absurdly, atrociously gorgeous in every sense of the word.

He'd spent so many, many hours of his life protecting her from creeps after her virginity. Even after he'd taken it himself, he could never relax his vigilance, because he knew better than anybody how miserable a life the ridiculously good-looking led. And Sakura, for as capable a kunoichi as she had become, was just too pretty to let look after herself.

It became so troublesome to him to keep an eye on her that he threw up his hands and decided to marry her himself. At least this way, two of the best-looking people in Konoha would be restricting themselves to each other, and ONLY each other, unable to pass on their beautiful sickness to any innocent children besides their own.

It was easy to forget the danger that having tons and tons of really excellent sex with a woman as beautiful as he was actually presented.

Until she went and got herself _pregnant._

And sure enough, Sasuke's fears were realized: Naruto Uchiha was born and genetics had ensured that Sasuke's inherited good looks and Sakura's perfect features were passed down onto him. A gorgeous child, the cutest child in existence if the villagers were to be believed.

Sasuke had failed in his mission, all because he couldn't keep his hands off his beautiful wife long enough to consider what kind of life his children would lead, walking around with the same stunning looks as their parents.

But at least Naruto, called 'Naru' to distinguish him from his Hokage namesake, was a boy. Boys could take care of themselves better than girls could, not that he'd ever tell that to Sakura. Sasuke shuddered as he imagined the problems raising a little girl with Uchiha good looks, and vowed that one astonishingly handsome child was more than enough. He could never risk his future sanity by bringing a pretty little girl into the world.

And two years and nine months later, Sakura had the _nerve_ to give birth to a little girl named Sasino Uchiha, who promised with bright green eyes, toothless gums, and the loveliest face ever seen on a baby before in recorded history, to absolutely ruin her father's life.

* * *

Sasuke gritted his teeth as he walked home with his family, his son walking beside Sakura with his hand in hers, chatting animatedly. He held baby Sasino in his arms as they left the hospital, a small but happy family, and he could only imagine the picture they made on the bright, busy streets of Konoha.

The best-looking family in history.

He was planning again. Things were more dangerous than ever, now that a little girl with all the frightening beauty of Sakura Haruno had been added to their ranks, and he couldn't possibly move forward without forming some contingency plans to protect his wife and children from their own aesthetic appeal.

Sasino, for example, would be locked in her room until Sasuke was dead. This was something he refused to budge about. Sasuke would never be able to rest knowing his little girl was walking around Konoha, charming the village boys with the smile he absolutely KNEW she would get right from her gorgeous mother. So, the only logical solution would be to keep her in the house until Sasuke died, however long that took.

And Naru would need to be trained in how to approach the situation with his sister. Sasuke knew better than most how influential a big brother could be in a younger sibling's life. He would have to coach Naru in all the ways he would have to eventually cock-block for his little sister, in the event that she would ever escape the Uchiha house and met a boy.

His stomach clenched at the very thought of it. His daughter was not even two days old, and already he hated every single boy in Konoha on sheer principle. No, Naru would become an excellent ally in this battle to keep little Sasino away from members of the opposite sex that weren't a part of her immediate family. Sasuke saw the way Naru looked at her, with wonder in his eyes, and knew he would be able to count on his son to keep his daughter out of trouble.

"Sasuke-kun your Sharingan's activated," Sakura said absently, jerking him out of his reverie, and he shot her a vicious glare out the corner of his eye before deactivating his bloodline limit almost spitefully. He still hadn't quite forgiven her for her indiscretion of giving birth to these two frighteningly attractive children. "Please stop overthinking this. She's two days old. She won't be dating for at least twelve years so why don't we have this talk later?"

The idea of Sasino dating _anything_ at age twelve nearly gave him a heart attack. He was 24 and on the brink of heart failure, and while Naru could be counted on as an ally, his own wife, the sweet and loving matriarch of his small family, was going to be an obstacle, he could tell that much already. Sakura simply refused to see the dangers the six-pound, two-ounce meatball in his arms presented to herself, and to the Uchiha family.

"She'll date _nothing_ until I'm _dead,_" Sasuke shot back furiously as they headed up the steps to their house. Sakura's serene eye roll made him livid, and he nearly yelled in her face were it not for Naru interrupting.

"Daddy what's 'dating'?" he asked curiously, three years old and still learning new words.

"It's something you'll never, ever let Sasino do for as long as you live," Sasuke replied without missing a beat. He unlocked the door to their house and ushered them inside quickly, before anyone could catch a glimpse of his infant daughter.

And just to be safe, he was _never_ going to let her out.

* * *

Naruto, proud Hokage of Konoha, was the even prouder father of a pint-sized ball of energy named Minato. Blonde and light-eyed, with all the stamina of his father before him, Minato was beloved by everyone in the village for his mischievous nature and kind heart. Sasuke, his godfather, attributed the latter to Hinata Uzumaki, who deserved to be sanctified for her sacrifice in marrying the dumbest person on the planet.

At seven years old, he was one of Naru's best friends.

And at five years old, Sasino Uchiha skipped home from the Ninja Academy with the news that she was in love, and the lucky boy was Minato Uzumaki.

Sakura laughed and clapped her hands in delight before picking up little Sasino with the bell-like voice and spinning her around to congratulate her.

Sasuke almost had a stroke.

He remembered the moment exactly, when he realized that all of his efforts had been in vain. Against his will, Sakura had convinced him to let Sasino play outside with other children. He'd even agreed to enroll her in the Ninja Academy like her brother before her. But now, hearing that his worst nightmare hadn't even come CLOSE to this horrifying reality, Sasuke felt an intense anger explode within his stomach that he hadn't felt since the day he'd killed his uncle on a bloody battlefield.

"What did you just say?" he demanded, as Sakura put Sasino down.

She looked up at her father with all the shining innocence of a five-year-old, immune to his towering temper, and replied, "Oh, I love Minato, Daddy. And I'm gonna let him marry me one day."

"I think that's wonderful, isn't it, Sasuke-kun?" Sakura asked, a sweet smile on her face, but he didn't miss the flash of fire in her eyes, the one that he clearly understood to mean, _Go along with it, or you're sleeping on the sofa._

But she wouldn't have her way on this one.

"You're not marrying that idiot," Sasuke said flatly, to his five-year-old who looked stricken at what he was saying. "Absolutely never. You're not marrying anyone."

Wide green eyes flooded with tears, and Sasino wailed, "MOMMY!" before launching herself into Sakura's arms.

"Don't listen to Daddy, he's just a horrendous person," Sakura comforted, her tone mutinous. "What did Mommy tell you?"

Sasino sniffled miserably, calming herself down. "That…that I should m-m-marry a good b-boy who loves m-me, when I'm r-r-ready," she replied.

"Good girl," Sakura cooed, kissing her on the forehead. "Now go outside and play. I'm just going to have a word with your father."

Here, Sasino's misery vanished completely, replaced entirely with a look of purely smug satisfaction. She shot her father a knowing smirk, because _everyone_ knew that "a word with your father" was Sakura Uchiha's code for "I'm going to lay your father out so badly, he won't know what hit him."

"Yes, Mommy," she said sweetly, giving Sasuke a look that read, _You're gonna get it!, _before skipping outside.

Sasuke steeled himself for the onslaught. Sakura won way too many of their arguments, but he would not back down on this one. The idea of Sasino marrying the son of his idiot best friend was too painful for him to bear.

She smoothed back her long pink hair before moving towards him in a motion too quick for him to trace without his Sharingan, which activated automatically, as it usually did whenever he sensed danger. But he'd long lost his ability to significantly frighten his wife, who grabbed him by the collar of his police force jacket and pulled his face down to hers.

"Let's get one thing straight," she said silkily, her voice sexy and terrifying all at once, her green eyes narrowed as she glared at him. "Minato Uzumaki is a wonderful boy. You're half-raising him yourself. If he's the one Sasino decides she'll marry one day, then you are going to be a supportive father and do everything you can to make it happen. Do you understand me?"

Sasuke couldn't believe this was his life. Taking orders from his young wife who had the nerve to pass her beauty onto her children, and losing nearly every fight they'd ever had. And on top of that, the little witch had the nerve to go ahead and turn him on with nearly every move she made.

"Hn," he muttered angrily.

She smiled. "Good," she said, before tugging him in the rest of the way for a kiss, prompting him to completely forget whatever the hell had gotten him so angry in the first place.

In bed later that night, a ravished and exhausted Sakura sleeping in his sweaty arms, Sasuke remembered.

And if Sasino ever figured out how to embrace her feminine wiles the way Sakura had?

God save Konoha.

* * *

Twelve-year-old Sasino crossed the threshold into the house looking a bit disoriented. Sasuke looked up from his paperwork on the sofa, instantly recognized the look in his daughter's eyes, and was on his feet in seconds.

"Which one of 'em did it?" he demanded.

"Don't worry about it, Daddy," Sasino replied, the flush on her face infuriating him.

"I want the name of the little bitch who kissed you," Sasuke snarled.

"Who's kissing?" Naru demanded, joining them in the living room. At fifteen and a newly-minted chuunin, he was clearly as revolted by the idea of someone kissing Sasino as Sasuke was. At least he'd raised one of his children properly. "You're too young for that mess, 'Sino, who the hell are you kissing?"

"None of your business, asshole," Sasino hissed at Naru, no stranger to his interference in her social life.

"Watch your fucking language, young lady!" Sakura snapped, joining her family in the living room where the commotion was stirring. "What's going on?"

Sasuke smirked. Here it was, the inevitable moment when Sakura finally abandoned Sasino and joined his alliance against all men in Sasino's life. He could taste it, he was so close. Once Sasino revealed her indiscretion, her mother would give up the senseless crusade for "Sasino's independence" and…

"Minato kissed me, Mom."

A beat of silence, then…

"SASINO-CHAAAAN!" Sakura squealed, crossing the room and hugging her daughter as tightly as she could, while Naru's jaw dropped in shock and Sasuke felt like a Chidori had hit him in the back of the head. "I'm so happy for you, sweetheart! Tell me all about it!"

"Mom!" Naru yelled, clapping his hands over his ears. "That's my best friend, I don't want to hear about him kissing my _sister!_"

"It was just on the cheek!" Sasino protested, but Sasuke was seconds from severe cardiac arrest and was trying to focus on regulating his heartbeat.

"I don't care WHERE it was, I'm gonna shove a Chidori up his ass and let him know what happens next time he puts his hands on you!"

"NARU! YOU AND I BOTH KNOW MY CHIDORI'S BIGGER THAN YOURS AND IF YOU TOUCH HIM, NOT EVEN MOM WILL BE ABLE TO PUT YOU BACK IN ONE PIECE!"

Sasuke drowned out the sounds of his children squabbling. Instead, he moved quickly and quietly to the door, slid on his shoes, and grabbed his sword before strapping it to his waist.

"Where do you think _you're _going?" Sakura demanded, her little hand on his arm pinning him in place.

"Naruto's," he replied coolly.

"Mom!" Sasino cried in horror. "Stop him! It wasn't a big deal, it was really quick and it was just on the cheek and nothing _happened!_"

"Come on, Sasuke-kun," Sakura said sweetly, quellingly. "Let's just sit down and talk about this like rational adults."

"Rational adults?" Sasuke hissed, rounding on his traitorous wife. At 36, she didn't look a day older than 22, which he attributed less to the witchy age-defying techniques taught to her by her old mentor and more to her own frustrating sex appeal. (This did not bode well for their children, who threatened to look young and gorgeous forever.) "That little _amoeba_ put his scumbag hands on my daughter and I will be _dead_ before I let him get another shot!"

Sasino stamped her foot, drawing her family's attention. She had the sweet disposition of her mother, coupled with Sakura's infamous temper, which manifested in a twelve-year-old Uchiha was particularly fearsome. Her eyes flashed with Sharingan, signifying she was especially pissed, and she snapped, "Daddy if you touch Minato-kun I swear I will Katon the tomato garden until it's nothing but _ash._"

"Sasuke-kun!" Sakura said sharply, interrupting Sasuke before he could tell Sasino exactly what he thought of her threat. "Now you listen to me, Sasuke Uchiha. If you do _anything_ to interfere with Sasino's friendship with Minato-kun, you'll lose a whole lot more than your precious tomato garden. Is that in any way unclear?"

Sasuke often had to remind himself that despite her beautiful features, sweet, sunny smile, and unassuming presence, his wife was more than capable of ripping a man's spinal column out through his asshole. It was imperative that he never underestimate her, much like any opponent on the battlefield; she might look completely harmless, but she was a combat medic-nin, the wife of the police captain of Konoha, and not a woman you messed around with.

"Excellent," Sakura said, pleased with herself for diffusing another argument. She kissed him quickly on the cheek. "Now you're gonna make me late for my night shift if you keep holding me up. Naru-kun, darling, dinner's in the fridge, heat it up for your father, would you? You know he's physically incapable of taking care of himself. And Sasino-chan, we'll talk later tonight, all right? I want to hear all about what happened!"

"Sure thing, Mom!" Sasino replied happily, while Sasuke tried to talk himself out of the rather appealing notion of murdering his own wife.

It was her fault all of this was happening. Sasino was in her awkward preteen stage, but seemed to have forgotten that she was supposed to be awkward, and instead was blossoming into a girl with all the beauty he'd known from Day One she was going to possess. Of course the little Uzumaki shitboy was going to notice; most of the boys in Konoha had noticed, too.

He should never have married the prettiest girl in the village. He especially should never have procreated with the prettiest girl in the village.

Because now they'd given BIRTH to the prettiest girl in the village. And Sasuke knew that now that she was old enough to date, his life was essentially over.

* * *

"Dad, it's happening!"

Naru's loud voice interrupted Sasuke's catnap, and he opened his eyes in distaste.

"Keep your voice down," he muttered, prepared to ignore whatever stupid thing his son was going to tell him about, but at nineteen, Naru no longer feared his father's temper, and simply spoke louder.

"Minato worked up the nerve to ask Sasino out," he snapped. "They've got a date tonight and Mom said I'm not supposed to tell you, but…"

Sasuke didn't need to hear anymore. He shot off his couch in less than a second and stalked into the bathroom, where Sasino was sitting on the edge of the bathtub, Sakura in front of her, makeup pallette in hand.

"Where the hell are you going dressed like that?" he demanded of his daughter.

She was wearing a short skirt and a tight-fitting shirt, the Uchiha emblem emblazoned on the back like it was on all of her clothing. He'd seen many girls wearing a lot less her age, but knowing where she was going to be wearing that get-up had his heart palpitating in anger and horror.

"Enough," Sakura snapped. "Not a word of your pessimism. Go back downstairs."

"Sakura…"

"Mom, can you do that pretty eye makeup you do when we go out to Uncle Naruto's big parties?" Sasino asked, ignoring her father completely. "That smoky thing? That looks so good."

"Absolutely," she replied with a smile. "What'll make those pretty green eyes of yours pop is an opposing color, like plum, or peach. Since it's a night date, we'll take it a bit darker. See, a nice purple base, a highlight under your brow, darker on the lid and a little shine in the crease…"

Sasuke couldn't believe his eyes. His wife was _helping_ Sasino. Trying to make her look even prettier. It was egregious.

"Then you smudge it like this…and I like to go with a bolder line as well. Heavier on the top lid than on the bottom…and you finish with a little mascara. Two coats, let the first one dry and then touch up the tips. You have such long, gorgeous eyelashes."

"And this isn't too much?" Sasino asked nervously. "I'm not gonna look like Saki-chan, right?"

Sakura sighed.

"No, sweetheart. I'd never make you look like that over-moussed, over-dressed showpony Ino raised...I love the girl, but believe me when I tell you that less is more."

"Under no circumstances are you leaving this house to go out with that boy!" Sasuke snarled from the doorway.

"Now you won't need any foundation or powder, you have such lovely skin," Sakura continued like he hadn't spoken, without so much as turning around to acknowledge him. "If you want, though, we can do a light lipstain…the mistake Saki-chan makes is she accentuates both her eyes and her lips. In makeup, it's a good rule of thumb to pick one to highlight and downplay the other. So if we're doing a heavy eye, let's try a light stain. Peach, I think. This one has a little shine to it, too."

"I _forbid_ it!" Sasuke hissed.

"There you go!" Sakura finished happily, and Sasino stood up to inspect her reflection in the mirror above the sink. "Oh, you look beautiful, darling! Won't Minato-kun be pleased!"

"_SAKURA!"_

"What do you think, Daddy?" Sasino asked, spinning around so her long black hair caught the light before shooting him a winning smile. "Is it gonna work on Minato-kun?"

"GO TO YOUR ROOM!" he bellowed.

"Oh, there he is!" Sasino exclaimed, as the doorbell rang. "Isn't he sweet, coming up to the door to get me? Mom I'm so nervous, what if I screw up or say something dumb? What if I'm not pretty enough for him?"

Sasuke froze. _On what PLANET is my daughter not pretty enough for the dobe's stupid son? _He thought furiously.

"Nonsense," Sakura said firmly, fluffing her daughter's hair. "All you have to do is be yourself and he'll fall head over heels for you. Now don't stay out too late, you have a mission tomorrow morning."

Finally, some sense out of his wife. Sasuke tried to relax.

"But don't come back too early either," she finished with a wink.

He was going to be a widower, he realized. He was going to kill his wife.

"Okay, thanks Mom!" Sasino sang, nervous no more. She stood on tiptoe and kissed Sasuke on the cheek. "Night, Daddy! Don't wait up!"

The implication of what she said was not lost on Sasuke, who took a step after her but was stopped by his wife.

"She's sixteen," Sakura sighed. "Let her have a little fun, God knows she's earned it. All those missions Naruto has her taking lately, and helping me out at the hospital on top of it? She deserves a little break every now and then."

"A little break?" he echoed furiously. "I'll give him a little break. I'll break off his little…"

"She's growing up, sweetheart. Sooner or later, you'll have to let go."

"What did she mean, she ain't pretty enough for the little donkey shit?" Sasuke snapped, refusing to entertain the thought of letting his little girl go. "Is that what he's been telling her? Because if so I'll kill him and his dobe father."

Sakura giggled. "This whole thing again, huh?" she sighed, kissing him on the cheek. "Sasuke-kun, your preoccupation with this family's looks is bordering on obsessive."

"It's your fault," he mumbled. "You're still the prettiest girl in Konoha. You went and made sure my kids were good-looking, too. You should know by now how hard it is for us out here."

"So your kids are gorgeous! Sasuke of all the things to complain about!"

"But-"

"No, no buts, you idiot. Sasino's a beautiful girl. It never stopped her from reaching her dreams, did it? And the only boy foolish enough to attempt something with her is Minato-kun! All the others are terrified to approach the daughter of the Konoha Military Police captain!"

He smirked.

"Not to mention you trained Naru to hover over her everywhere she goes just like you do," she added, rolling her eyes. "She's head over heels for Minato-kun, and he's crazy about her, too. Why don't you just be glad it's someone like him, huh? You helped raise the boy yourself!"

Sasuke huffed unhappily. His wife made some very good points.

Beauty wasn't always a curse. Sakura was proof of that. Standing on the cusp of 40 years old, she looked as young and lovely as ever, and when she glanced up at him, there was a playful spark in her vibrant eyes that only served to remind him why they were still Konoha's most sexually active couple.

"Let them have fun," she implored him, drawing closer, her hands on his abdomen the way she knew he liked. His stomach muscles clenched and tightened at her touch. "She's a good girl, and he's a good boy. He'll take care of her."

"Tch. I bet he will."

"Sasuke-kun…"

"Sakura he's an eighteen-year-old boy. And if he's thinking _half_ the things about Sasino that I was thinking about you when I was eighteen, then there won't be enough left of the little cretin to bury."

"God, I swear you were never this much trouble with Naru-kun. And he's the biggest flirt in Konoha! Now are you going to have sex with me, or should I just do some laundry?"

* * *

Interrogation intimidated nearly everyone who ever stepped inside the room. Except, of course, the interrogators.

And Sasuke, as captain of the police, was very, very good at his job.

So when a criminal sat in the hard-backed chair in the interrogation chamber, full of potentially harmful secrets that Sasuke absolutely needed to hear for the good of the village, he was very, very good at intimidation.

The criminal in question was sitting before him now, looking nervous but defiant. Charged with the crime of theft, Sasuke was prepared to show him absolutely no mercy.

There would be no mercy for the man who stole the heart of Sasino Uchiha.

"You want to do _what_ with my daughter?" he asked darkly.

"Marry her, sir," replied Minato Uzumaki, anxious where he was sitting, but clearly determined. And Sasuke had to give him credit there; not many men were bold enough to look the infamous Sasuke Uchiha in the eye and ask for his daughter's hand in marriage.

"And why should I let you do that?" he demanded, his eyes narrowed.

"Because I love her, sir. And I think I can make her happy."

"You _think?_"

"I know I can," Minato corrected himself quickly, blushing. "I know I can, sir."

"Why the hell do you want to marry her anyway?"

"She's the best girl in the world," Minato replied, and Sasuke read the timbre of his breathing, followed the motion of his chakra. There was nothing inside him that was anything but truthful; what he spoke, he spoke from the heart. "She's amazing. She's an awesome kunoichi but she's also really, really sweet, too. And funny! She can always make me laugh. I like when she laughs at me, too. Or at least, the things I say to try and make her laugh.

"She's…she's the only girl I ever liked. And now she's the only girl I'll ever love. I promise I'll take care of her. Make sure she's safe and happy. I'll provide for her. And if we ever have kids, I'll take care of them, too. Please, sir. I couldn't ask her to marry me unless I knew you were okay with it."

Sasuke regarded the boy in front of him with suspicion, before he finally sighed. Smirked. Gave in.

"All right," he said simply.

Minato looked shocked. "R-Really?"

"Go," Sasuke said coolly. "Before I change my mind."

"Thank you sir!" Minato exclaimed, hugging his godfather quickly, before he could be thrown off. "Thank you so much! Man I can't wait to ask her!"

He shot out of interrogation looking more like his father than Sasuke had ever seen him, and he realized begrudgingly that Sasino could definitely do a lot worse.

But the main reason he'd agreed to this absurd union, between his 22-year-old daughter and the idiot son of his best friend?

Not once had Minato ever said he was marrying her because she was _pretty._

* * *

The wedding was a lavish affair, beautiful and romantic and well-attended, since it was the son of the Hokage marrying the daughter of Konoha's police department captain and his wife, the head of the Medical Corps.

No one was surprised that the two crazy kids had sealed the deal. Dancing with his wife, and keeping a subtle eye on his daughter dressed in white floating around with her new husband, Sasuke could admit to himself that he wasn't surprised either.

When little Sasino, five years old and headstrong just like her mother, had come home one day and declared her love for Minato Uzumaki, he'd always sort of pictured this moment in the back of his head. There would only ever be one time in his life he'd have to give away his little girl to another man, and if he had to do that, as much as he hated to, the only man he'd give her to would be one she'd chosen for herself.

But that didn't mean he didn't resent the entire process, start to finish.

Sasino's beauty, though, was now Minato's problem. Sasuke was perfectly content to let his new son-in-law deal with all the anxieties of being the main protector of Konoha's most beautiful young woman.

Well, one of Konoha's most beautiful women. The woman in his arms still retained all vestiges of her legendary good looks, and she smiled up at him with the same love shining in her eyes that they'd held almost thirty years ago.

"Still worried about how pretty she is?" Sakura giggled.

"Hn," he replied with a smirk. "Guess not."

"Daddy!" Sasino called, crossing the dance floor and looking lovelier than he'd ever seen her in her wedding gown. Sakura smiled and stepped out of her husband's arms, only to have her spot replaced by her daughter, who hugged him tightly. "Daddy, have I got news for you!"

He hugged his daughter back, remembering how easily she'd fit into his arms when she was first born, remembering her tiny hands wrapped around his finger, remembering her sweet, toothless smile that had him hook, line, and sinker…

"I mean, now that we're married, I guess it's safe to tell you…Mom already knows, but she thought you'd want to hear about it after the wedding, rather than before…"

Sasuke was lost in old memories and barely listening.

"I'm pregnant! Three months along! It's still really early, but you know how good Mom is. She told me it's a girl!"

Little Sasino-chan was all grown up. Sasino Uzumaki now. And pretty as the day she was born, and…

His world came to a screeching halt.

"You…are…_what?_" he hissed, freezing in place.

"Pregnant!" Sasino replied, glowing. "You're gonna be a grandfather!"

Sasuke took a moment to organize his thoughts. One thing he'd learned over the years was to cool his rash temper, and think things through logically, without flying off the handle.

These were the facts. Sasino was three months pregnant, and three hours' married. Which meant, of course, that the little _scumbag_ son-in-law must have taken his sweet daughter's maidenhood prior to the wedding.

Surprisingly, this was nowhere near as infuriating as he thought it might be. Remembering all of his sexual liasions with Sakura years before they'd gotten married, he realized it might be a bit hypocritical to be angry about something as common as premarital sex.

He was going to be a grandfather, huh?

"Are you happy for me, Daddy?" Sasino asked breathlessly.

He sighed. Pinched the bridge of his nose, and smirked.

"Aa," he replied softly, and he kissed his daughter on the forehead before crossing the room to where Minato was standing, talking to his parents.

"So I hear you knocked up my daughter," he said bluntly. Naruto and Hinata looked shocked, and Sasuke was rewarded with the sight of every ounce of color draining from Minato's face. He looked properly horrified that Sasuke was aware of what had happened.

"Um…I can explain! See, what happened was…"

"Uchihas are all real good-looking," Sasuke went on. "So not only are you gonna have to make sure no one hits on my daughter…" A terrible smirk lifted his lips. "…you're gonna spend the rest of your life making sure no one hits on _yours._ Good luck, kid."

With that, he headed back to his wife, who was looking at him with a disbelieving smile on her face.

"So I take it you got over your fear of our family's good looks, then?" she asked.

"Nope," Sasuke replied. "But it's _his _problem now."

* * *

Six months later, Sakina Uzumaki arrived, a beautiful blonde baby with bright green eyes just like her grandmother's.

Half Uchiha, she had the same bone structure and almond eyes that so plagued Sasuke and his family. Holding his granddaughter for the first time, he remembered the way Sasino had so easily charmed him the day she was born, and now Sakina was doing the exact same thing twenty-five years later.

His eyes flickered from Sakina's face to Minato, who looked dazed and somewhat fearful. Apparently, the fear of his family's attractiveness had settled in now that Minato had a daughter of his own.

Sasuke smirked. Sakura had deprived him of revenge against Minato for his relentless pursuit of Sasino all throughout their life for so long, but revenge IS a dish best served cold. And now, the blonde son of a bitch who'd married Sasino was getting his just desserts.

"Enjoy the rest of your life, kid," Sasuke told him, passing the baby back to him with a deep, dark chuckle, as he wrapped his arm around his wife's waist. "You'll still be fightin' em off thirty years later."

END

* * *

Here you go! Request fic for "Sasusaku baby."

I like the idea of Sasuke being tortured by his and Sakura's attractiveness. I also like the idea of them naming their kids after each other. And I had a good time with this oneshot, thanks for the request!

PM me if you have an idea. I like the challenge! (I have night shifts at a bar in Philly no one goes to anymore. This is what entertains me now. ENTERTAIN ME!)

Enjoy! (I hope.)

xoxo Daisy


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